Hot Topic : Sexist Views Get Wedding Canceled
Group Chat conversations happen every weekday on Hot 991 with The Supreme Experience shout out to everyone who checked in on yesterday's topic. Some of the phone calls were hilarious. Let's change lanes this afternoon. A father tapped in to tell me about what is going on with his daughter and her ex-fiance here is what he had to say:
"I have a daughter who is 29 years old she is the love of my life and I want the best for her. With that being said I'm far from overprotective and believe I have raised her with enough common sense to make her own decisions. She has been with her boyfriend for 8 years and they got engaged not long ago.
My daughter always talks to me about how much she loved him and how he always listens to her and how he was made for her. I thought he was a good guy and was happy my daughter was happy.
We've met his parents for dinner twice and they hit me as a little sexist, these people really asked my wife "I don't know why you're working, isn't that the husband's job? It's the mother's job to be taking care of the children". My wife was offended but we just brushed it off as a cultural difference because they are from Nigeria.
Now fast forward to 2020 it's more serious, they planned a marriage. Anyways we have been planning about the marriage, and one day her boyfriend comes to me and says that his parents want to talk to me. I was going to call my daughter too, but he said that she wasn't allowed. I didn't like where this was heading from the jump.
I went with him and his parents to dinner they started talking with me about DOWRY. I was confused and said that there was no dowry and in 2020 who even gives dowry? Inside my mind, I was wondering if they expecting me to pay for the wedding because it's 2020 and I don't have enough money to finance their wedding.
My daughter's boyfriend and his parents started lecturing me about how necessary it was and how my daughter would be a stay at home wife. I wasn't feeling it, my daughter has never discussed being a stay at home wife. She has told me that she wants to continue her dreams and become a lawyer. I felt like I was in the twilight zone I was so confused as to what was going on. His family comes from a Nigerian background, I guess this is still custom over there. The interaction was very weird.
They told me that I should give it a thought and told me not to tell my daughter for the time being. Who do they think they are? I never agreed and went home immediately to tell my daughter about the conversation. She broke down and started crying saying she didn't know that her boyfriend was so sexist.
The whole situation seems very controlling and she asked me what she should do now. I reassured her that she could cancel the wedding if their views don't align. I also made sure he wasn't being abusive because this seems like a gateway to abuse.
Well, that is exactly what happened and now her boyfriend and his parents are calling me saying I took away the love of his life. On top of that, some of her friends (some were bridesmaids) said that I was wrong for breaking up what would've been a "healthy marriage”. But it's my daughter's happiness that matters to me. Was I wrong for letting my daughter know about her fiancé’s sexist/traditional views?"
I personally don't think your wrong you presented your daughter with the information and she was free to make her own decision. It seems like your daughter and her boyfriend have cultural differences that they need to discuss before they commit to a life long marriage. You may have saved your daughter and this young man a lot of time and trauma.
These differing lifestyles in a marriage would be an absolute catastrophe. The family and the fiance all were being deceptive by trying to hide their beliefs from your daughter. It's 2020 and the family lives in America now, if they want this kind of marriage they may want to find a wife that comes from that culture. Have they ever seen Coming To America?
What do you think was Dad wrong for telling his daughter about the conversation he had with her fiance's family. Call me up this afternoon at 518.370.9910 or comment on the Hot 991 app.
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