How Do I Deal With Racism In An Interracial Relationship?

Another Hot Topic comes from a male listener who is in a first-time interracial relationship. He feels he has to bite his tongue when speaking on racial issues in his relationship. Check out what he had to say:

"Hi DJ Supreme

I have a very troubling situation that I could really use some help with. For the first time in my life, I am involved in an interracial relationship and I really care about this woman.

I’ve always dated black women, but recently I’ve become involved in an interracial relationship and things are pretty good. We never really talk about political things in our household and recently that has been a hard thing to do. When Trump was in the White House making so many racist comments we were able to avoid having conflict, but I feel like that is about to change.

As a black man it’s hard to live in the current racial climate without looking at my partner a little differently. I know that she doesn't speak for the whole white race, but I’m starting to question the wisdom of being involved with her.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s a really cool person and she never comes off as being racist. Her family treats me okay for the most part, but I can tell when somebody’s really not feeling me and I see that clearly in some of her close relatives.

With the protests that have been going on for almost a year I feel like I’m always biting my tongue. I find myself holding my breath as the whole world views and has their opinion about the verdict in the George Floyd case.

I’m hoping that you, or some of your listeners, can give me some words of wisdom because I feel like my whole relationship is on the line. Please help me if you can!"

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This is a complicated problem because that's the relationship that you chose. We live in a country with a unique history of racism, there is no other place that is built on cultural racism like the United States. This shapes the everyday dynamics of all of us as Americans and our interactions on a cultural level.

Different forms of discrimination and racism have been reinvented and remixed so much that people don't even recognize the foundation of this country is inequality. Another factor to consider is racism is often denied to the point where people don't even want to recognize it exists. His relationship is an exception, sometimes you and your partner have to have awkward conversations.

Instead of looking at these racial issues as a challenge or a source of frustration maybe you should just dialog with your partner and let her know how you feel. Explaining your perspective as a black man would help her to have a better understanding of your viewpoints.

Even though she hasn't displayed any signs of racism you shouldn't live in fear of expressing yourself on current events. Far too many black men are silent about racism when we are the biggest victims of systematic racism in the country, probably in the entire world.

You should take this as the opportunity to come out of your shell and explain your viewpoints to the person who is the closest to you, your partner. Explain your viewpoints to her and listen to how she feels about race and racism.

How far do you think your relationship will progress if you two can't discuss the obvious? You both made the decision to date interracially, you might as well learn and teach while you are at it. Stop being scared to be open and honest with your partner, this will develop into other issues as the relationship grows.

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