If you want an intimate and manly look at Justin Bieber in the new GQ, well, you’ll be disappointed. Through no fault of the tireless and journalistically inclined writer, the profile reveals absolutely nothing super surprising about The Biebs, simply because the ‘Boyfriend’ singer is surrounded by adults at all times and access to him, even when you are in the same building, is incredibly limited. Access to the The Biebs is not easy to get on any level.

The feature is basically a diary of the writer’s efforts to get time with the teen, only to be blown off, canceled on, and ignored. It’s also the writer’s assessment of ‘Being Justin Bieber.’

The concept and the plan was to do something manly with the newly 18-year-old star. But nothing came to pass. Well, he can’t drink legally and he doesn’t want to send a bad message to his largely young and female fans by going to a strip joint, so options were limited. The Biebs did admit to tasting a beer before but that he is in control. Trying a frosty beverage is something any kid his age has done…so it’s not a big reveal.

It’s essentially an essay on what a journalist has to go through when dealing with a pop star surrounded by handlers and a professional entourage. If you are interested in the inner workings of feature-style journalism, as opposed to what it’s actually like to tag along with The Biebs, then this is a case study you MUST read.

One of the funniest assertions of his article is as follows:

“The PR lady, Melissa, warns me that Bieber boxes regularly and that his father, Jeremy, is a former MMA fighter. Now I’m starting to get a little worried. I’ve been waiting two and a half days, and I was looking forward to teaching this kid a lesson about punctuality. But for the first time, it’s dawning on me that Justin Bieber might be able to kick my a–. What if his Horny Teenager Strength can easily overpower my Dad Strength? What if he knocks me out? What if he puts me in the hospital? What if he kills me? Do I still get paid for this?”

The Biebs may bro down with boxers like Floyd Mayweather and he may dress up like one in Complex, but he’s not going to beat anyone to a bloody pulp… If only because he never within arm’s length of the writer for more than a few moments.

One piece of info that Beliebers might find useful or at least interesting or worth defending is his bordering-on-ADD attention span. The writer says, “I’ve been warned by several people, including some people in his own camp, that Bieber has a very short attention span. This is correct. He is amazingly distractible. He also bursts into song a lot, at random intervals, no matter who’s around. (…Money on my mind and you on my mind, too much on my mind…) If it were anyone else, this would be annoying, but this is Justin Bieber.”

The Biebs played pool solo, yet never ignored the writer to check his phone. Politeness, thy name is Biebs. The singer also said he loves pre — ‘Black Album’ Metallica — ‘One,’ ‘Fade to Black.’ ”Those are my jams,” he said.

The writer also disputes that Da Biebs is 5’9″, saying he looks closer to 5’4″.

In his outtakes for the piece, the writer — likely Public Enemy No. 1 in the eyes of the Bieber nation for his honest critiques of his experience — also revealed that The Biebs is surrounded by adults who treat him as such.

“The adults around him treat him like a peer, or often a superior. They wait around for him. They try and get an audience with him. As it stands now, Bieber is a perfectly nice guy. Sure, he’s flaky, and brash, and a touch vacant. Still, I don’t think most people would fault an 18-year-old for acting like an 18-year-old. But I don’t know if he has the right system around him to move PAST that. He’s not gonna go to college (would you?). He’s not gonna have to get an entry-level job and eat s— for a few years. And he lives in a celebrity culture that amounts to a nonstop circle jerk. This happens to a lot of young stars, be it musicians, actors, or sports figures (hi, LeBron!). They become so successful so young that they skip the stage where you become a fully functional adult. And I don’t know if you can recover from that.”

We think it’s safe to say that GQ won’t be sitting down with The Biebs again anytime soon. It’s an entertaining bird’s eye view but it’s also one viewpoint. And we all know there are two sides to every story.

Listen to Metallica, ‘Fade to Black’