R. Kelly's 'Igntion' remix is one of the hottest tracks of all time. It is ten years old and still drives people absolutely crazy any time they hear it. But is it worthy of becoming our new national anthem? A petition on the White House web site is trying to make that happen.

The petition has over 4,000 signatures and is hoping to have over 100,000 by April 2. Its contents are as follows:

We, the undersigned, would like the Obama administration to recognize the need for a new national anthem, one that even a decade after its creation, is still hot and fresh out the kitchen. America has changed since Francis Scott Key penned our current anthem in 1814. Since then, we have realized that after the show, it's the afterparty, and that after the party, it's the hotel lobby, and--perhaps most importantly--that 'round about four, you've got to clear the lobby, at which point it's strongly recommended that you take it to the room and freak somebody. President Obama: we ask you to recognize the evolution of this beautiful country and give us an anthem that better suits the glorious nation we have become.


This is the most glorious paragraph ever constructed. I just signed this petition and hope everyone else does the same. After all, mama rollin' that body is a million times more a symbol of this country than some star spangled banner and a good "toot toot, beep beep" is more patriotic than "the land of the free and the home of the brave."

Also, after showing this to a friend, they alerted me to the best part of this change: Olympic medal ceremonies where any time an American wins a medal R. Kelly will be bumping in the venue. That would be the best medal celebration ever. Again, this needs to happen.