Got a few minutes? Because that’s how much it’s going to take to sort out the Jackson Family Feud. Grab some popcorn and a ringside seat. Katherine Jackson has returned home to her grandkids after a traumatic week that saw missing persons reports filed, conflicting information of her whereabouts, angry grandchildren in search of their beloved caretaker, a temporary custody switch of Michael Jackson‘s three kids, and some nasty public battles between other Jacksons.

Whew. Still with us?

We’re happy to report that the matriarch has emerged, alive and well. But things remain fishy in the family.

Ma Jackson shot down rumors that she was being held against her will. Her whereabouts were a mystery since she took a vacation of sorts. And it didn’t appear vacation-like. Katherine is 82 — no spring chicken — and the woman just had an insanely stressful week with her extended family.

Mrs. Jackson sat down with ABC for an exclusive interview about where she has been and why she was incommunicado for a nine days. The network was not allowed to pose questions; it was only permitted to listen to her statement and to allow her to speak. Surrounded by children Jermaine, Janet and Rebbie, among others, Katherine read a prepared statement, scribbled in a looseleaf notebook, saying, “Hello, I’m Katherine Jackson.” Those were her first words in 10 days.

She continued, “There are rumors that I’ve been kidnapped and held against my will. I am here today to let everyone know that I’m fine and I am here with my children and my children would never do a thing like that, holding me against my will. That’s very stupid.”

Her guardianship of Paris, Michael and Blanket was temporarily suspended in favor of her grandson TJ while she was away, since the judge felt that third parties were interfering with her ability to take care of her grandkids. Despite that fact, she shot down rumors that the kids have had nothing to eat in her absence. “I am sure they have something to eat, but it’s not healthy, since the cook is not there,” she said, in true grandma fashion. She did cop to being “devastated” that her custody has been temporarily discontinued. So why go away, then?

Katherine did address the curious and questionable fact that she did not call the grandkids while gone, saying, “One reason I haven’t called, I gave up my phone and didn’t want to have any phone calls. My assistant has been calling back home to see how things have been going. She has been keeping in contact with my nephew. I mean my grandson.”

While we understand her desire to ditch her phone and digitally detox, her grandkids were legitimately worried and she is legally responsible for them, so it was a bit unfair for her to go undercover and cease contact. Her children, however, contend she was in Tucson under a doctor’s orders.

When she spoke to TJ and the grandkids, she told them she’d be home today (July 26) and they would be waiting for her.

In other news related to the reunion with the grandkids, according to The Daily Mail, Prince Jackson hit Twitter to post a photo of a group text involving his aunts Rebbie and Janet, proving they blocked communication. When he was demanding contact with Katherine, Janet replied, “Please don’t let them.”

He shared: “Following image is of a group chat I had started to several family members. This group text message I had started was replied to but they didn’t know that I could see the responses. For this whole time, they denied us contact to our grandmother….If you continue with your lies I will continue with the truth.”

He also posted a lengthier rant, revealing even more issues on Planet Jackson: “As long as I can remember my dad had repeatedly warned me of certain people and their ways. Although I am happy my grandma was returned, after speaking with her I realized how misguided and how badly she was lied to. I’m really angry and hurt.”

Paris, for her part, tweeted her joy at her grandma’s return.

What a nightmare. Those poor kids. Poor Katherine. Despite her declaration that all is fine, something is most certainly amiss.

Watch Katherine Jackson’s ABC Interview