Your Friday The 13th To-Do List

There isn’t a definite answer as to why Friday the 13th is unlucky. Some theories refer to Christian beliefs. Others think it came from a serial killing freak wearing a hockey mask. If you’re not a superstitious person, here is your to-do list for the day.

1. Walk under a ladder – Common sense says don’t do it, just in case it falls on you. My sense says do it anyway.

2. Break a mirror – It shouldn’t be too difficult for you… I mean, have you seen yourself today? Have you heard of makeup? Yikes.

3. Play with a black cat – Befriend a black cat at some point today. You’ll know he likes you if he brings dead birds and mice later. Charming creatures, right?

4. Spill salt – If you do it right, you’ll spill it all over a steak and serve it to me.

5. Open an umbrella indoors – If you don’t own one, play Rihanna’s “Umbrella” in a crowded room until you get “Ella Ella Ella Ey Ey Ey Ey” stuck in everyone’s head.

6. Put new shoes on a table – This superstition is a tradition in the mining community. If a miner had succumbed to death on the job, workers brought his boots back home and placed them on his table. Do you feel smarter now?

7. Put your hat on the bed – Ancient people believed evil spirits lived on your head, so putting your hat on your bed was an invitation to haunt the person who sleeps there. For the record, hats are not evil (unless it has the Miami Heat logo on it).

8. Go out a different door than you entered – You should exit the furthest doorway from where you parked. You could use the exercise.

9. Look for an owl in the daylight – Folk lore says if you see an owl before night your death is imminent. I don’t buy the hype. I just want to know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

10. Introduce yourself to a red headed woman – It’s supposedly bad luck to meet a red headed woman in the morning. Is that why Wendy’s doesn’t serve breakfast?

11. Sit on a broken chair – If a chair falls as soon as the person sitting gets up, then it’s considered unlucky for the person. Or, the person had too many double cheeseburgers.

12. Date your friend’s soon-to-be ex – If a person’s photo falls from a wall, it means the person is going to die soon. Find a picture of your friend with the hottest gf/bf and knock it down. You’re welcome.

13. Visit a farm and milk a cow – There’s an old farmer superstition that says if a cow moos constantly, there is danger to the health of it’s master. Find a farm, pick a cow, milk that cow until it moos like a muh fuh. More cheese for you.