Put On Your Lip Gloss For National Kiss Day!

Pucker up! Twitter has declared today National Kiss Day! Ok, maybe it’s a stupid idea but it’s a good excuse to suck face for the next 24 hours. Anyone have an extra breath mint? Time to acknowledge not all kisses are a pleasant experience.

Kisses that suck:

Drunk Kiss – This doesn’t apply to those in established relationships, in which case, drunk make outs are acceptable. When you kiss a new guy or girl it’s always semi-awkward for the first few seconds. You have your style, they have theirs. You feel each other out and go with the flow. Add a few shots of Patron into the equation and you have a hot, sweaty, wet, tongue slappin’, nose bumping, awful experience. The only benefit to the incredibly sucky drunk kiss experience is you won’t remember it in the morning.

Eat My Mouth Kiss – Applying a nibble to one’s lip during a make-out could be sensual and erotic if executed properly. Unfortunately, most who attempt usually act like their trying to pierce your lip with their incisors. If you draw blood you’re doing it wrong. Way wrong. Please don’t eat my face, thank you.

The Puppy Kiss – There’s a good reason why humans don’t kiss like dogs. After a dog kisses you, a face wash is soon to follow. So why are you whipping your tongue around like a Ferris wheel on crack? If you need something to lick, get a lollipop. If I choke to death on your tongue, what are you going to tell my parents? Holster that tongue, wait for the right moment to slip it in.

The Twilight Kiss – Not to be confused with the lip biting involved with the “Eat My Mouth Kiss”, the Twilight Kiss involves more necking. I’m talking about the people who will start off with a very enjoyable, normal kiss who, seconds later, will ditch the pleasant experience for sucking your neck like Kristen Stewart. Unless you’re in middle school, you shouldn’t be giving your love interest a hickey.