Considering I’ve spent nearly my entire life in Saratoga Springs, horse racing is near and dear to my heart. When it comes to placing bets, I’m “that guy.” I usually get there ridiculously early and set up in a shaded area with my program, “Pink Sheet” and pen. I sit there analyzing each horse’s stats like a mad scientist.

I put a lot of effort in to researching and analyzing each race. With that being said, imagine my frustration when my girl friends win big on races by picking horses with “cute names.” It’s not an uncommon practice by any means. I’m not saying you should drop $100 on one race with this method, but it’s a fun way to get in the spirit of the track if you don’t know jack about horse racing.

Here are some of my favorite horse names of all time. If they were all going head-to-head, who would you choose?

Ucandoit

Take A Wiz

Gotta Pee

GiveMeMoreMoney

Really Fast Horse

Man O’ War

Artest

Like A Boss

War Admiral

Stevie Wonderboy

Big Brown

Nutzapper

Afternoon Deelites

Go For Gin

Lagnaf (acronym for “Let’s All Get Naked And F…”)

Golden Shower

I’ll Have Another

Cigar

Ouija Board

Game On Dude